High-school and post-secondary studies can be a time of transition between childhood and adulthood, much of it happening within this largely one-size-fits-all school system designed for the “average youth/young adult.” In any aspect of my of life, from when I was attending high-school to now, I have never met one of these “average” people this system was made for.
Many people make the decision to reject this experience in totality as not fitting their life, either because the outcomes that academic study offers does not interest them, or that feelings of anxiousness are too unbearable.
In my work, I first acknowledge that these systems are not designed for them specifically, and so it makes sense that they are rejecting the parts that don’t fit. The decision to refuse school is rarely made lightly, especially since it is often highly opposed by families. The story of this decision is an important one, and once fleshed out it can help families understand what is driving the decision.
Behind the reasons for their decision are values that are important to them. Putting words to those values enables people and their families to think about both their commonalities and differences, what direction they want their life to move in, and then how to make that movement happen.
Similarly, I work with families to explore what values drive their desire for academic attendance. Beyond what “they’re supposed to do,” families often want their children to have security, opportunity and a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes these are things that they themselves weren’t fully able to experience.
By understanding the stories we tell about ourselves and each other, and the meaning we make of those stories, it becomes possible to plan out the next chapter.
Even if someone is unwilling to attend therapy themselves, please contact me to explore ways in which I may be able to assist your family.
Barry Spinner, BSW MSW RSW 